Free To Let Go

How I’m feeling right now reminds me of the “Season of No.” I forget exactly when this happened, but I remember when our firstborn started taking charge of his life. Up until that point, whenever I asked him “Hey it’s time to sign up for soccer/Scouts/piano/etc - should I sign you up?”, he had always been an easy “yes” in response. Some time in the Middle School age range was when he first delivered a “no.” It must have been exhilarating for him, because a string of “no”s followed the rest of that year.

By that point in parenthood, I had matured enough to recognize a developmental flexion point when I saw it. So I didn’t try to pressure him back into “Yesville.” I let him exercise his agency, and eventually he started choosing his own activities, without suggestions from me. This holiday season I’ve been exercising my own agency a bit, and it has resulted in m enjoying these weeks since Thankgiving more than I otherwise might have.

In the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, I could feel that familiar sense of dread about the impending mad dash sprint to the year’s end. That sense of busting my ass and still falling short of whatever Rockwellian ideal of Christmas I had in mind. The stress of overcommitment, the missing of dead loved ones - I wanted nothing to do with this. All of it ending with me feeling exhausted and ready to return to “normal” life.

Not this year. I got out ahead of this, and told myself “Whatever you choose to do will be enough.” And it has been. One common source of overcommitment: cooking. As someone who loves to cook, of course I would love to make something special to share with friends, clients and loved ones. I started to tiptoe down this path, intending to make a few batches of Chex Mix. When the weekend after Thanksgiving came and went with no Chex Mix produced, the stress started to mount. So I pivoted. To use a phrase coined by Dan Sullivan, I shifted my thinking to “Who, Not How” - I have friends who own catering businesses. I thought that maybe one of them could produce some Chex Mix for me in one of their big, commercial convection ovens. It turns out one of them was glad to do this. I’ve already added a date to my 2026 calendar to start the Chex Mix planning process sooner next year, perhaps making a couple of different recipes. Ahhh…the easing of this self-imposed pressure. Sublime.

It turns out that just because you have done certain things in certain ways for some period of time does not mandate that you always do them that way - or at all, for that matter. I was living in a prison of my own design and production. I had the key to the door the entire time.

It might be true that in some ways I am taking this Christmas “off.” Perhaps next year, or some Christmas in the future I will return to doing some of the things that I have done in the past around the holidays. If so, it will be because I want to, not because I have to. As I type this, I know how basic and obvious this all looks here on my compute screen. Somehow these patterns, and these mental maps develop a momentum all of their own. Unless we consciously press “pause” and re-examine our assumptions can we prevent this momentum from carrying us into the territory of unwanted obligation.

I hope you are enjoying these holidays. Celebrate them however you wish.

Sunday Supper

We have decided to go with a Nordic theme for our Christmas menu this year, a throwback to the fantastic family trip we enjoyed back in July. Some of the recipes are coming from a cookbook we have on hand, but these web-available versions are approximately what we will be whipping up. Swedish Meatballs. Finnish Salmon Soup (Lohikeitto). Roasted Carrots w/ Whipped Tahini. Baked Mushrooms w/ White Beans. Pickled Beets. Egg Salad w/ Dill. Red Cabbage Slaw w/ Carrots & Beets. Chocolate Pots de Creme. To spare the kitchen, on Christmas Eve we will be ordering takeout from Ammar India restaurant in Zanesville. This restaurant is run by the same people who ran the Shan E Punjab Dhaba food truck down in Hebron for the past few years (sadly, the truck is no longer operating there).

Sunday Music

Who doesn’t love A Charlie Brown Christmas? Cynthia Erivo’s performance of Nothing Compares 2 U at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. Los Hacheros at the NPR Tiny Desk. Enjoy!

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Have a great week ahead!  You can do anything you set your mind to. Let me know how I can help.


Peace & Love,